H and I are going to a 80’s-themed costume party this weekend. I am no stranger to dress-up and make believe nor do I shy away from any type of costume (regardless of gender).
But because of our vacation in Florida last week and the craziness of work I didn’t have a whole lot of time to fabricate an epic costume. I have been stressing out the last few weeks trying to decide who to dress up as for this party. My first thought was to be an Asian character from a tv show or movie of the 80’s but after some very careful consideration I have come to terms that being Asian ain’t easy at an 80’s costume party.
This is due to 2 main factors: There just weren’t a whole lot of Asian roles in tv or movies in the 80’s! And the limited roles that did happen were crazy stereotypical. I’m talking ching chang chong, bang a gong, slant your eyes, and talk broken english type of roles. Heck, most even had rice patty hats, opium pipes, and long-ass Ming the Merciless facial hair. Here are the Asian characters from the 80’s that I considered dressing up as for the 80’s costume party. (and why I didn’t dress up like them).
Long Duk Dong from Sixteen Candles
Think 80’s and Asian and “The Donger” is one of the first to come to mind for most people. It’s mainly because he had 3 of the most quotable lines of 80’s Brat Pack movie history. Those of course are: “No more yanky my wanly”, “Oh, sexy girlfriend!”, and “What’s happenin’, hot stuff?”. And if I had to choose a close 4th, “The Donger needs food.”
These of course were funny and popular because they were said as punchlines to the slapstick rhythm of the movie. For every crescendo in the plot, John Hughes finished it off with a Geektastic Anthony Michael Hall rimshot or a Straight-off-the-boat-broken-english Gedde Watanabe gong. I write this as if that’s a problem but it really isn’t. While I don’t like the cheap humor in stereotypical roles like this, the fact that it was such a blatant stereotype was why it was memorable and why it would typically make a good costume.
But this just wasn’t in the cards for me for this party and here’s why. The Donger doesn’t have a recognizable-enough outfit to be known right away. Sure, I could part my hair and slick it back and wear a “red argyle sweater, tan pants, and red shoes” but all night I would still have to say “no more yank my wanly” all night to get people up to speed. Like I said, I understand the place this racist caricature had for the time but I’m not about to scream it all night at a neighborhood party.
So the Donger was out in my costume decision.
Mr. Miyagi from The Karate Kid
The wise sensei from the Miyagi Dojo is another strong choice. I mean Pat Morita is easy to replicate. I’m already short (ok I’m actually of average height at 5’10”) but a white headband, khaki fisherman shirt and a white undershirt is all I would need right? Wrong!
Mr. Miyagi is way more complicated than that. The clothing alone is not enough. I would also need to wear white facial hair (never fun at a party) and possibly a bald cap. True holding some chopsticks with a fly taped to it may make it obvious but I just wanted feeling it. And I was imagining having to honk people’s noses, slap my hands and rub them together, and deal with people asking me to break beer bottles all night.
Mr. Miyagi was a strong contender but I just wasn’t inspired.
Short Round from Temple of Doom and/or Data from the Goonies
Ok these are listed together because they were both played by Jonathan Ke Quan, they both are awesome characters, and I was super psyched to dress up as either of them!
Let’s start with Short Round first. This costume would be ambitious for sure: a linen kung-fu shirt and jacket, bricks under his feet (to reach the pedals), a New York Giants cap, and some playing cards up his sleeve. For sure, that would rock. And I would have gotten a kick out of telling H “Hang on lady, we’re going for a ride!” (innuendo intended). This got ixnayed unfortunately because of time constraints. It’s not easy nor cheap to get some of that gear either. Perhaps I’ll revisit this for Halloween.
Which brings me to Data from Goonies. This costume is labor intensive for sure. Even though you can get close by buying an Army jacket from the Army Navy Surplus store, a gray sweater, and a collared white shirt, you can’t possibly plan to go as Data without building some gadgets.
A costume of Data without some attempt at recreating Punch Out, Pinchers of Peril, Octo Blaster, Slick Shoes, and Bully Blinders is not worth making! Dressing up as Data is not to be taken lightly. It would require a considerable amount of planning to do right and it deserves to be done right.
Thunder, Rain, Lightning from Big Trouble in Little China
These characters are awesome. And this movie is one of my favorites of all time not just of the 80’s. But I admit, it’s not as mainstream as I would like to believe and without being able to summon lightning bolts or make my eyes glow it will just make me look like an Asian Three Amigo with a big rice patty hat. I think this type of costume is best with a group of people playing out the characters as an ensemble. Any takers for Halloween 2013?
My Decision
So now you know which Asian characters from the 80’s I decided not to dress up as. You may be asking who I ended up choosing. Well, the party is this saturday night so I won’t reveal it quite yet but I will give some hints: it’s not a specific character but more a style of the decade, it’s not an Asian character, and it will most certainly have neon. Because being Asian ain’t easy at an 80’s costume party.
What would you dress up as for an 80’s-themed costume party?
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Gregory Ng
GOAL: Visit 100 National Parks as a family by 2020. Favorite Parks: Zion National Park, Mt Rainier National Park, Valley Forge National Historical Park
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